Loneliness is an emotion that most of us face at some point, but its impacts can feel overwhelming. Loneliness is a feeling of disconnection, while solitude is the intentional choice to spend time alone for personal growth or reflection. While modern life often fosters isolation, it also presents opportunities to transform this experience into personal growth. By learning to embrace solitude, we can overcome loneliness, feel less disconnected, and develop deeper connections with ourselves and others.
This article explores how solitude can be a powerful resource to combat loneliness, offers strategies for embracing it, and discusses professional support options like hypnotherapy and coaching.
The Positive Power of Solitude
Many people equate being alone with loneliness, but they are vastly different. Loneliness is the feeling of being disconnected, while solitude is the intentional act of being alone, often to recharge and reflect.
Research shows that solitude enhances self-awareness, improves emotional regulation, and fosters creativity. By spending intentional time alone, you gain insights into your needs, emotions, and patterns of thought. This self-understanding helps build emotional resilience, making it easier to connect authentically with others.
Strategies to Overcome Loneliness and Embrace Solitude
1. Mindfulness and Meditation
Practicing mindfulness teaches us to observe our thoughts without judgment, reducing the fear of being alone. Meditation, particularly those focused on self-compassion, can help reframe solitude as a nourishing experience. Try a guided meditation specifically designed to embrace solitude and overcome feelings of loneliness.
2. Journaling for Self-Reflection
Writing your thoughts in a journal helps process emotions and gain clarity about what truly matters to you. Use prompts like:
“What do I enjoy about my own company?”
“What makes me feel lonely, and how can I address it?”
3. Small, Intentional Steps
Start with manageable actions, such as taking a solo walk, dining alone, or spending a quiet evening reflecting. Gradually, you’ll become more comfortable with your own company.
Connect With People and Community Going Through a Similar Situation to You
Embracing solitude is powerful and important and this can compliment human inter-connection. Furthermore you may be able to ally with, and learn from, others who are on a similar journey to you:
Join Social Groups or Volunteer
Engaging in activities like volunteering or joining clubs fosters a sense of community. Many organizations offer opportunities to connect based on shared interests, making it easier to meet like-minded individuals.
Explore Online Communities and Apps
Platforms designed for finding friends or connecting with others who share your interests can help combat isolation. These spaces provide a low-pressure way to form bonds. I have a small growing community on the meditation app ‘Insight Timer‘. You are welcome to join us!
Overcome Social Anxiety
Building confidence in social situations can take time. Start with small steps, such as practicing conversations or attending events where you feel comfortable.
Professional Support for Loneliness
Hypnotherapy: A Powerful Tool for Change
Hypnotherapy has emerged as a highly effective intervention for overcoming loneliness. The therapeutic side of hypnotherapy can provide a safe space to address deeper emotional wounds. Studies indicate that hypnotherapy can help rewire negative thought patterns, improve self-esteem, and reduce feelings of isolation. By addressing the subconscious mind, it enables you to adopt a more positive outlook on solitude and social connections.
Consider exploring hypnotherapy services at Change Feels Good to access tailored support for loneliness and related challenges.
Coaching: An Advocate for the Real You
Coaching can provide support, encouragement, challenge and accountability to action tailored strategies for personal growth.
Both options are invaluable for developing emotional resilience and reducing feelings of isolation.
Meditation to Begin Overcoming Loneliness Now
Meditation is a practical way to embrace solitude and reduce emotional distress.
Guided Meditation
I have produced a free 20 minute guided meditation, available on Insight Timer and Bandcamp, titled: Overcome Loneliness By Embracing Solitude
Independent Meditation Practice Activity
Set aside 10 minutes daily to focus on your breath, visualize a calm space, and repeat affirmations like:
“You are whole in my own presence”
“You embrace the quiet and find peace within”
Regular practice can shift your perception of solitude from something to fear to something to cherish.
Conclusion
Overcoming loneliness requires a balance of self-awareness and meaningful social connections. Solitude, when embraced intentionally, can be a powerful resource for self-discovery, emotional resilience, and ultimately, deeper connections with others.
For tailored support, consider hypnotherapy or coaching through Change Feels Good. You’re also welcome to reach out with any questions or to explore how these services can support your journey.
Anxiety can inhibit sleep and sleep can inhibit anxiety. Your brain may keep you awake until you deal with this cycle.
What is Anxiety and Do I Have it?
The WHO lists the following symptoms of anxiety:
trouble concentrating or making decisions
feeling irritable, tense or restless
experiencing nausea or abdominal distress
having heart palpitations
sweating, trembling or shaking
trouble sleeping
having a sense of impending danger, panic or doom
What Happens in the Brain During and After Anxiety?
During anxiety the amygdala is significantly more active (the pea-sized area in the centre of the brain, indicated in the above image with a red dot). The Amygdala represents less than 0.3% of the brain’s mass.
Increased activity in the prefrontal cortex (12.5% of the brain’s mass, indicated in the above image by the blue area at the front of the brain) reduces activity in the amygdala.
Temporary vs. Persistent Anxiety
Everyone experiences anxiety to some extent. The frequency and intensity varies on a spectrum from person to person at various stages of life and healing. If your anxiety goes away relatively quickly and happens relatively infrequently you can consider it as “normal”. Even “normal” anxiety can be reduced and there is nothing wrong with doing so.
Anxiety disorders are, in contrast, persistent. Some clinicians say they “never” go away. This can be interpreted as a life-sentence. What they mean is that they haven’t gone away so far. Healing progress from anxiety disorders can vary enormously from person to person. For example, a person with a damaged prefrontal cortex might have a much more gradual journey of healing than a person a typically functioning one.
Types of Anxiety
There are a plethora of interconnected influences on anxiety, from neurological, to beliefs about oneself, others and the world, to genetic, to environmental circumstances.
Understanding the influences on your anxiety can help you come to terms with its unruly nature and help you begin to manage, or overcome it.
Typically during the day our focus is occupied, we are distracted from our thoughts and emotions. The contrasting mental space that opens up at bedtime can set the stage for overwhelming thoughts and fears to become unignorable.
This can make it difficult to fall asleep and the harder it is to sleep, the more worrying and stressful it can be, making it harder to fall asleep.
An accumulated sleep debt can make it harder to function well during the day in every way and it can increase the risk of developing chronic physical health problems.
This can result in perpetual sleep disturbance, called “insomnia” and insomnia can bring on more anxiety.
Estimate when you actually fall asleep and wake up
Eat at least 4 hours before going to bed
Stay hydrated throughout the day and stop drinking 2 hours before bed
Avoid alcohol, nicotine and other stimulants in your bloodstream near bed time
Associate sleep zone only with sleep (and sex). No screens, work, or exercise… or divide space functionality with rituals
If you wake up for longer than 20 minutes in the night, move to another, relaxing space and do something relaxing
10 mins of bright light in the morning can help regulate your sleep/wake cycle
While lying down, breathe fully in, breathe fully out and repeat at least 3 times
Progressive muscle relaxation
Gratitude
Reading, or listening to a story
White noise
Binaural beats
Listen to something boring
Organise time to worry and add one solution to each worry
Journalling
Anxiety Treatments (and Better Sleep)
Interventions include:
Hypnotherapy – helps to vividly clarify triggers for anxiety and “glimmers” for moving beyond anxious feelings. Helps to relax deeply
Exposure therapy – gradually builds resilience and a sense of security in relation to anxiety-inducing triggers
Acceptance (e.g. mindfulness) – you may not be able to control anxious thoughts and feelings directly, but by accepting their existence you can release the one thing you can control – your resistance!
Commitment (goal setting) – following up acceptance with commitment to build habits that further demonstrate your lack of anxiety and increase your locus of control
Medication – prescribed and managed only by clinicians
Meditation – releases identification with anxious thoughts and feelings, increases locus of control, helps to relax deeply
Sleep and Anxiety in Summary
I would recommend getting advice/support from a medical professional, and/or qualified therapist to help you understand what my be best for you. Feel free to contact me to find out more about the Hypnotherapy services I offer.
Anxiety can be a powerful underlying issue preventing you from getting a decent night’s sleep and lack of sleep can contribute to anxiety.
It is important to address underlying anxiety in addition to organising your life and environment to sleep well.
We spend a third of our lives doing something that leaves us defenseless to attack, unable to eat, drink, or reproduce! Sleep! We don’t know why, but it must be important and our lives can become seriously impacted when we’re not able to do it well.
Lack of Sleep
Lack of slumber is associated with diabetes, obesity, hypertension, pulmonary heart disease, memory loss, lack of concentration, poor mood regulation and can be an underlying factor in many psychological issues.
Furthermore being tired feels rubbish!
Managing Expectations
When we keep trying we usually succeed, right?
Not with sleep.
Lying awake at night and trying to sleep is actually an effective way to set yourself up for failure!
Your body knows how to sleep, so your energy would be better spent finding ways to step out of the way of your mind.
How Much do I Need?
We all need different amounts at different times in our lives. If you can function well during the day and you don’t find it too difficult to wake up at the right time you are probably getting enough.
Listen to your body and how you feel upon going to bed, waking and during the day. Estimate the time you spend asleep, when you feel well rested and when you don’t. You don’t need to feel guilty for getting as much as 9 hours, or deprived for getting only 6 hours.
Sleep Cycles
There are different levels wakefulness that we naturally cycle through, with very different levels of brain activity. It is normal to briefly wake up multiple times during the night and go back to sleep again.
The lighter levels are associated with dreams that we remember and are more vivid, the deeper levels are where the body grows and repairs itself and where new pathways in the brain are forged.
What Can I do to Get a Good Night’s Sleep?
Counting sheep
While the biggest contributing factors to sleep disturbances come from within us, you can make things easier for yourself by also setting things up externally for a good night:
Don’t count bed time as the time you fall asleep. Give yourself enough time to wind down, go to bed in a dark room, with low lighting and no screen time, with relatively low ambient noise. It may be 30 to 45 minutes before you actually fall asleep.
Aim to make this bed time procedure a habit to stick to. Eye masks, earplugs and guided meditation can help to reduce ambient light and noise.
If possible sleep in a bedroom with a temperature of around 18°Celsius, or 65° fahrenheit.
Eat at least 4 hours before going to need
Stay hydrated, but drink fluids no later than 2 hours before bed time
Avoid having alcohol, nicotine and other stimulants in your bloodstream at bed time
Build an association between your bedroom and sleep. Try to avoid exercising, or working in the same space. If you can’t avoid this, change the lighting and create other rituals that characterise the change in function of the space.
If you do wake up in the night for roughly more than 20 minutes, move to another space and engage in a relaxing activity with low light.
Soon after you wake up, spend time in bright light, preferably sunlight, preferably outside, without wearing sunglasses and without staring directly at the sun. 10 minutes should be enough. Light lamps, or any artificial light can be an option in the winter or if working night shifts
The Elephant in the Bedroom
A major cause of disturbance includes, of course, mental health issues, such as anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder and seasonal affective disorder, for example.
Addressing these issues through therapy and meditation, for example, may be the most effective way to sleep well.
Do You Want Help to Work Through Something That May be Blocking Your Replenishing Sleep?
Do you believe you may be suffering from anxiety, depression, or another existential issue, and that it may be preventing you from getting a good night’s sleep? You can learn more about my approach to Hypnotherapy and how it could help you here.
Berkeley.edu describes awe as “The feeling we get in the presence of something vast that challenges our understanding of the world, like looking up at millions of stars in the night sky or marveling at the birth of a child”. Awe occurs in transcendence if the self.
Awe represents a powerful experience that teaches us that we are part of a greater whole. We depend on others (or other parts) and they depend on us. Awe helps us to place importance on a global scale, rather than an individual scale.
Where is Awe?
Natural? Urban? Social?
Awe is often associated with spectacular natural surroundings, or ancient architecture for good reason. However, modern architecture and city-scapes can be equally as awe-inspiring. Awe is not associated only with inanimate objects, however. Indeed people, or even animalscan, and often do, trigger awe in others through their actions, or in relationship with other people. Consider the symbiotic relationship between virtuoso musicians and their audiences at concerts, for example. Both performer and fan can be awe-struck by one-another, amplifying the experience for both parties.
Religious?
A feeling of awe can often bring religious connotations and if you step into a temple, mosque, or church, it is easy to see why, although you do not necessarily need to be religious to appreciate this, of course. Many of these buildings are marvels of design and engineering, built over generations. So in addition to the aesthetic and spiritual experience of awe, you may be awestruck at the capabilities of the architects, engineers and builders working together.
Religions are full to the brim with awe-conducive stories, practices and accoutrements. Perhaps unsurprisingly, when experiences of awe are embedded in religious and spiritual practices they bring with them increased social connection and meaning.
The Mundane?
There is a classic scene in the film American Beauty, where … laments over the beauty of a plastic bag dancing and floating in a vortex. This illustrates nicely how channels of awe need not be expensive, confined to areas of outstanding natural beauty, or generally out of reach to the average person. Awe is available anywhere and everywhere when we choose to seek it out.
In Wealth?
Dacher Keltner even argues that increased wealth can inhibit awe, due to the tendency of wealthy people to see the world more through a lens of transaction and self-interest.
Internally?
Awe can exist entirely internally of course, through hypnosis, meditation, dreaming, memories, or psychedelic experiences*. Importantly, awe itself only ever exists within us, in our emotion, and is only connected to external phenomena and interactions.
*I recommend that psychedelic experiences are accessed legally and with professional support.
Ok, I’ve Seen a Starry Sky and Had a Baby, am I Done With Awe This Decade?
Awe needn’t be confined to rare and once-in-a-lifetime experiences. It can arise in day-to-day life by being present to the flavours of the food you eat, listening to music and taking the time to deeply listen to, see and feel your surroundings, for example.
These day-to-day manifestations of awe may come in relatively smaller, more consistent doses, but that is a good thing. This way you can sustainably build your capacity for experiencing awe. The more you can experience, the more you do experience!
What Does Awe do For Us Anyway?
Awe not only feels awesome, it gives our life more meaning!
Perhaps the most fundamental aspect underpinning a meaningful life is purpose beyond self. When you have something you do that tangibly contributes to the lives of others in a significant way, your life trajectory weaves a web in conjunction with the life trajectories of others. Awe is an emotion that transports (or “transcends”) us into a distinct awareness of this inter-connectivity.
In a study reviewing the recent advances in the field of awe, Monroy and Keltner (2023) indicate the following physical, mental and social benefits of awe:
Biologically, experiences of awe increase vagal tone (good for calmness and social engagement), decrease sympathetic arousal and inflammation, increase oxytocin, decrease default mode network activity (associated with self-reflection).
Awe diminishes our sense of self, increases our pro-social relationality and social integration, which all contributes to our purpose and life meaning.
This decreases stress, anxiety, depression and PTSD and increases emotional, social and psychological wellbeing.
The physical benefits include a decrease in manifestations of physical stress, such as headaches, bodyaches and stomach issues, a reduced likelihood of autoimmune diseases occuring, as well as improved sleep, cardiovascular health and longevity.
What doesn’t it do?
Is Awe Always Awesome, or Sometimes Awful?
The propensity for awe to make us more likely to submit to a higher power can humble us to the power and value of nature and the community, reducing our individual ailments and increasing collective wellbeing.
It can also make us more likely to uncritically fall in line with the charisma of a demagogue. If we feel awe in connection with the behaviour of said demagogue, we may be less likely to question the other ideas they espouse.
However, emotions of any kind do not usually last for more than a matter of minutes, until something else comes along. Awe is not the only emotion that Hitler projected. Pride and rage, to name but two more. Indeed the racist beliefs he perpetuated run counter to the reduced polarization and pro-social relationality promoted through awe. Hence racism can only be embedded while awe is suspended, but awe can play a part in the induction of people to a team, or following.
Emotions are rarely isolated in life. It makes no sense to demonise awe, just as it makes no sense to ‘throw the baby out with the bathwater’. While it can be beneficial to temporarily defer critical thought, abandonment is never a good idea. Fear of possible enchantment with a demagogue should not deter us from awe.
Self-Transcendence
“Self-transcendence” may be seen as referring to what we are not focused on, rather than what we are. It can be seen as a contrast to “self-examination“. However, as Courtney E. Ackerman explains, self-transcendence does not negate the self in favour of the other. Rather it involves “the realization that you are one small part of a greater whole”, and importantly, requires that we “act accordingly”.
In a state of awe you transcend the self (or perhaps the illusion of self). To become focused on the self alone would necessarily remove you from the “awe”some experience.
Viktor Frankl’s central concept to flourishing in Logotherapy is to choose the pursuit of a meaningnful life, and in so doing, transcend the mire of suffering and death (1988). He sees suffering as a necessary ingredient in flourishing, along with meaning. Suffering is a reason to choose a meaningful life. One cannot exist without the other.
“a spiritual awakening that moves one’s heart and soul so deeply that leads to the reorientation of one’s life purpose”. It is a determination that arises in humans “characterized by (a) a shift in focus from the self to others, (b) a shift in values from extrinsic motivation, such as materialism, to intrinsic motivation (the activity itself is the reward), (c) an increase in moral concern of doing what is right, and (d) the emotion of awe that contributes to life transformation and which inspires others”.
Wong indicates that, while awe is a fundamentally important emotion, a shift in life values and focus is the main driver in self-transcendence. Without this, awe may be fleeting and temporal and therefore limited in it’s benefit in our lives. With this, awe can be ignited from within a structure that you can implement!
In summary, Wong suggests the following as a structure for self-transcendence and sustainable awe:
Focus from self to other
From extrinsic to intrinsic motivation
Prioritising what is morally right
Awe that inspires others and changes life
Why did we Evolve the Emotion of Awe?
Self-transcendence is fundamental to the development and progress of humanity and awe is the emotional hallmark of self-transcendence. We are only here because our ancestors placed an equally high (or higher) value on the collective versus the individual. We depend on this cooperation and coordination, our habitat depends on it.
The Role of Awe and Self-Transcendence in Overcoming Anxiety and Depression
The emotion of awe substantially contributes to “shifts in neurophysiology, a diminished focus on the self, increased prosocial relationality, greater social integration, and a heightened sense of meaning”.
Monroy et al. (2023) found that “on days when community adults and healthcare professionals reported experiencing more awe than typical, they also felt less stressed, experienced less body pains and problems sleeping, and felt greater well-being”.
Bai et al. (2021) discovered that the experience of awe gives perspective to day-to-day stressors, making them seem less significant.
How I Work With Awe as a Hypnotherapist and Coach?
I work to help you to scan mindfully for and access the awe available to you in your life, habitually and sustainably, without (necessarily) getting on a plane and flying to a wilderness, or a psychedelic retreat in Mexico.
I help you to consciously forge a path of self-transcendence, consistently embedding meaning into your life.
This all starts with our therapeutic alliance, my unconditional positive regard for you, that there is nothing to fix and plenty of opportunities to grow and flourish. The presupposition that you have everything you need to grow in the ways that resonate with you and helping you to discover how for yourself. Your transformation manifests through conversation and well-placed hypnotic reflection and suggestion, gaining new perspectives and new possibilities. Lastly, I help you to put into practice new beliefs, thoughts, feelings and behaviours at the rate and speed for them to take hold.
My Meaningfulness-Based Approach to Hypnotherapy and Coaching
Awe and self-transcendence are intricately linked with life-purpose and life-meaning. Read more about my meaningfulness-based approach to hypnotherapy and coaching here to learn more about how I help people t help themselves.
Activities for Inviting Self-Transcendence and Awe into Your Life Consistently
Here are some practical activities designed to help you:
Change your focus from yourself to others
Shift from extrinsic to intrinsic motivation
Prioritise what is morally right
Create an experience of awe that can go on to inspire others and change life
Activities:
1. Engage in active listening:
Actively engage in conversations while listening to what the other person is/people are saying, without thinking about what you want to say and how you could respond
See how far you can take it
Reflect on what you notice and your connection with others
2. Extrinsic vs. intrinsic motivation:
Write down three things you enjoy doing. For each item ask yourself “what do you get from this?”. Keep asking yourself the same question until you get an answer that suggests personal satisfaction
Write down three things you struggle to motivate yourself to do. For each item ask yourself “what do you get from this?”. Keep asking yourself the same question until you get an answer that suggests personal satisfaction
Reflect on what you discover and any changes you might make in how you approach these tasks
3. Using regret to calibrate your moral compass:
Think of a choice you regret having made
List the reasons you chose to do what you did
List the reasons you regret having made that choice
Reflect on which of these reasons resonate morally with you
Write down what you would do differently if you could turn back time. If you would do it all the same again, write down why
4. Nurturing the awe available in the everyday:
Set aside some time to look at the sky and nothing else – turn your phone off. It doesn’t matter whether at night, in the daytime, in the sunshine, or during cloud-cover
Do not expect a feeling of awe to come, just spend some time with the sky and notice what happens
Pay close attention to the quality of the light, pay attention to the colours – yes even gray is a colour. Pay close attention to any clouds, stars, birds, planes, trees, or satellites you may see.
What do you see that stands out more than the rest? The shape of a cloud? The brightness of a star? The shade of the light?
Soften your breath
Get comfortable and stay with the sky
Set aside time immediately afterwards to reflect on your experience. On a scale of 1 to 10 how much awe did you experience. Whatever you answer, be content with that and expect no more. Make some notes about what you noticed and/or take a picture to illustrate
Share your notes and/or your picture with other people in any way you like (social media, messaging, conversation etc.)
Repeat this process listening to the qualities present in some music you appreciate, or feeling the sensation of the water against your skin in the shower, or bath, instead of looking at the sky
It is important to start out with effective affirmations, so they support and charge your manifestation work, rather than inhibit it.
What Are Affirmations?
Affirmations are declarations. We are stating observations about ourselves, others and the world. They do not describe how we would choose for ourselves and the world to be, they describe ourselves and the world as already being how we would choose them to be!
This is a subtle, yet important distinction.
Two, or More, ‘Already Trues’
We may need to hold two paradoxical observations in our consciousness simultaneously.
For example, we may at first need to hold the following two truths and open our minds enough to see them both as simultaneously true:
“I feel insecure, anxious and frightened by social situations”
“I feel secure, confident and delighted in social situations”
If we deny the negative truth and pretend only the positive truth is true, the one we deny (or resist) can become more persistent.
We do not always consider the possibility of having two (or more) selves. Two or more realities and truths
Even for someone who has objectively high social anxiety, it is very rare to be anxious in every single social situation, with all people. There are nearly always exceptions, where we feel secure and confident. So for most people, there are already two, or more already trues. The difference is that these exceptions may not have been part of the story we tell others and ourselves.
Create your affirmations intuitively. Ask yourself what would really bring you fulfilment.
Design it to help you feel something you want to feel (“acceptance”, “fulfilment”, “gratitude”, “love”, for example). If the affirmations are what you enter into the satnav, the emotions are the fuel that gets you there.
Design it so that it sparks your emotion and imagination to see, hear and feel yourself having accomplished it
Design it so that what you affirm can be seen as true every day that you affirm it, as well as the day that you have accomplished it. Are you already a millionaire? If not, would you affirm, that: “you are a millionaire”, or “you have the abundant mindset of a millionaire”?
Speak in the present tense (“you accept”, rather than “you will accept”). You are creating the conditions of your desired outcome here and now.
Refer to yourself in the second person, as “you”, not “I” (“you joyfully help others live fulfilled lives”, rather than “I joyfully help others live fulfilled lives”). Imagine telling yourself “I love me” and see how it feels. Now imagine someone else telling you “I love you”. Which is likely to have more impact? We tend to believe and take seriously positive messages from others over ourselves.
Keep it simple. Aim for somewhere between 1 and 25 words. As you become more adept at the manifesting process you can try adding more complexity and see how it works for you.
Imperfect affirmations are perfect! Just get going with something that is good enough. If there are improvements to make they will come to you as you progress.
Begin Crafting Your Affirmation
Here is an affirmation that works for me. If you are unsure where to begin, you can take this and make it your own:
“You joyfully help others live fulfilling and satisfying lives”.
“You graciously accept the abundance that, hence, cascades into and flows through your life”.
Put some initial ideas for your affirmation in the chat now.
Do You Want to Start Manifesting?
Check out my free content, a great way to get started with manifesting:
Do You Want Help to Work Through Something That May be Blocking Your Positive Manifesting?
Do you believe you may have acquired negative manifestations that get in the way of the life you would choose? You can learn more about my approach to Hypnotherapy and how it could help you here.
Do You Want to Take the Conversation Further – Ask Questions and Contribute Answers?
